Dear Love, How do I Find You?

Dear Reader,

Let's talk about love. How do you know when it's real? How do you know when you've found someone that will love you unconditionally? How do you recognize the embodiment of self-love? I often talk about the perception of love and how incorrectly its represented in media/entertainment. Love is often showcased as this grand gesture, this overwhelming feeling that rushes over you and changes the way you look at the world. It's represented to be this heart-throbbing experience that will make colors brighter and life more fulfilling.

Often love is presented to be so positive, that if we experience the slightest of negativity then it can't be love. And I'd like to be transparent, love is positive, but that's only the half of it. Sometimes too much of a positive love can be dangerous ( aka love bombing, here's more information ♥), and frankly everyone experiences this ideal, this theme, differently. Love requires balance. Love is this dynamic concept that everyone knows but can't understand because it's singular to the person feeling it. There's different phases of love, different cycles and each individual has their own nuanced experience. 

This blog is dedicated to femininity, passion, and love. Yet, the experiences I share with you and the advice I give are completely subjective, because I can only explain love filtered through my experiences. While I hope it may help you, the journey to finding love within you and around you is in your control. 

So how do we know when we've found love?  

Ever since I was a little girl, I felt like my soul purpose in life was to experience happiness. Once I began reading as a teenager, I added love to that to-do list. As a young adult twenty years into life, I find those goals have evolved. I learned that love is difficult, it's frustrating and it's not perfect. There is no formula for the perfect love story or life. I've found that love can be absent despite all the appearances of the "right" things. I've found that love can be a hindrance to your happiness, especially in a relationship where infatuation exists disguised as love.  I've learned that love requires you to be both selfish and selfless. I found that love requires mental strength and emotional intelligence. I've found that love can be both the cure and the disease depending upon the situation. 

I've found that instead of looking for true love, I've learned to seek out healthy love. I've learned that how I want love is important because the definition is different for everyone. I've learned that happiness is an internal battle and can be stimulated externally. I've made mistakes chasing love instead of letting it find me. I've used self-love to end friendships and disconnect from toxic family members. 

I've seen love at its best and worst.  

Yet, people desperately seek love in all forms and it's the hardest thing for us to obtain. So why want love at all? How do we avoid the pitfalls of it? 

Dear Reader, I've spent my life trying to get it but I don't know. As someone who would say they've experienced what can be considered as good love, I still make mistakes in it everyday. Some days I feel like the love I'm experiencing is substantial, it feels like an effortless weight I can carry for the rest of my life. Other days, I feel like my love is superficial filled with romance, endless compliments and whimsical dreams. Other moments, it's a love that feels eternal. A love that encompasses self, spirit and other humans floating through life with me.

It's a hallway of a thousand doors and each day I walk into a new experience because love is intoxicating. There are days where it's subtle like being happy my significant other was able to wake up in time for breakfast. Or days where its bold, like seeing my best friend marry a man that loves her so deeply, you can feel the energy of it. 

So how do you when it's real? 

That dear reader, is a question I've yet to find an answer. There's so much content tailored to giving you the tell-tale signs of when love hits but we're all lost. We're all trying to navigate a society where love is fading. 

I just hope however love forms in your life, its an addition, and not destruction. 

Till next time, stay safe~